I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
