I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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