I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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