There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
