i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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