my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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