I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
