Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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