it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
