it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
