Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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