I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
