And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
