he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
