went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
