Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
