there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
