In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I would fuck him just for his dog
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
