so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
