I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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