New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
