The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you inspire me to be a worse person
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
