Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
