Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize