his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
