I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
