I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
