so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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