If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
