Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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