The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
