im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
