I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who died my cat blue again?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
