Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
