he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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