did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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