his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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