she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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