Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
