Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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