6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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