someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize