you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
