i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
