Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
