i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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