I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
