i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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