you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
