shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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