It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
