I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
